Thursday, June 27, 2013

Be Careful What You Speak.....Secret Revealed


When I was a teenager driving a little bug which I loved and has been my favorite car of all times...I dreamed of many things, but did not envision any of them, except a little house like the one above. I'd speak things out loud not even knowing exactly where they came from or where they were going. I never wanted to marry, my mother always said I was too independent, not the marrying kind. Strange though all she ever said at dinner, was find a rich man and marry. A bit confusing for a young girl, which is how I lived most of my life confused, marry don't marry, what was she saying. All I know every sibling I had that married was miserable right down to my own mother. Yet sitting there in that bar with my friends, drinking, dancing, listening to music, I blurted out,"someday when I have a daughter I will name her Dannon."
One must understand yogurt became the thing in the 70's a brand came about called Dannon. Sitting with my friends in a bar one night we got to talking about this new yogurt and the name. Where did it come from what exactly did it have to do with yogurt, kind of weird questions a 19 year old would ask. Now you must know at 19 in the early 70's we could drink in any bar, and boy did I have my fun and wouldn't change a thing. Yet, not one day after did I ever speak of a daughter or the name, nor did I remember, after all we were in a bar.
I did date had relationships, but the marriage and children thing was not a priority on my list. I really didn't know what my list contained. I just lived everyday and what it brought most of my life. And what it brought was a bartender ( me) a male customer who refused to let go for a year to get a date. In the bar he would speak of wanting to marry again and eventually asking for a date, me always refusing and trying to pawn him off on Marsha, my side kick bartender.  All I can say it one night, his friends, and one bet, lead to two children above. Yes, I do have more children in fact this gal had 5. I know, I know, I am still just as stunned and what even stunned me more was the day that girl in the photograph was born...guess what name came out of nowhere, Dannon... Dannon Mae. She is the youngest of my first marriage, oh yeah, there were two marriages, and when she began to speak her name this is what she'd say...Dannon Mae Yogurt. I suppose I should take blame for that one after all we'd go down the isle and mommy would say, "look there is your name on the yogurt." And neither lasted like my mother said, I was not the marrying kind and she never said more true words. And yes I am heterosexual, I just don't find relationships, sex, a priority in my life...Wow...was that blunt. For me as I got older discovering who I was and why I was really here personally on this planet was a priority. After all just like every species we are actually meant to reproduce..its how our species keeps going. So I did, but not for me...I realized I had children for someone else, always for someone else. I was and am a very giving, loving person, give more than I have ever taken when I allow you in my circle of life. Not so easy today as I age, a bit wiser now.
 There I was a SHAM taking care of 3 children in my first marriage. Whee! most of the time I was like a robot, a step ford wife doing the daily tasks and totally forgetting about me. Left hanging in the world like a puppet, being manipulated by this society expressed thing called family. Back when I was young it was pretty much the thing that was drilled in to a females head. We were just on the edge of a woman's freedom of choice and the Happy Days Sitcom family. The only problem it's not what happened behind closed doors, things aren't always what people speak or write even here in blog land.
Nope, being a family, a mother, and now a working mother, in my point of view "Sucks" nearly 50% of the time and often more for most. The crap us females feed each other is just what it is crap! Children are only cute and fun as babies and those the most demanding people on earth of every part of who you are...the truth is they rob you of yourself! And as they grow...the money flies out the door faster and their mouth does the same...words begin to fly out like none you heard before. With children comes many endless jobs...right up until the day you die...and I can list them all..caregiver, housekeeper, babysitter, cook, dishwasher, laundry do, folder, and put awayer...bathing the kids, dressing the kids, teaching the kids, nurse, therapist fixture of all problems, listener of all problems even today it never stops!
I became responsible for everything and now right down to the day I die they bring you problems with there hands out for help... And who was this female? I had no idea. And do I fill there hands NOT this mother as my mother said, "your grown now figure it out on your own, don't bring your problems to me." It was the best thing she ever said, it  made me a survivor, responsible, to rely on my own strength and decisions and if they are wrong I use the wrong to make a right by asking what am I learning.
As far as my children, well the two above don't like to speak to me which suits me fine, they think mom is to blunt, and direct which they don't like to hear, I don't sugar coat life...I am now out of the mix and that feels great. Only if it's a life or death situation do they know to come to me. Life if now there teacher. And in case your wondering my son in the photo is the second oldest, his name is Aaron. And now I will end this post by saying this and as your children grow you will hear it more and more from aging mother's. Children are by far hard work, the hardest work you will ever do and it's never ending. Plus, if you ask someone my age they will tell you children are the worst creature as adults you will ever know. I speak the truth as do all my age, ask any elderly person about their children the answer is not pretty.  I have only one question...out of all the species on this planet earth, why are humans the only species who keeps there children and often raises there offspring? Every other species pushes there children to go.
In the end, I have, found and discovered, who I am, I have found love within myself even know god loves me and for that I am never alone, I am a survivor, with many talents, I am the pencil in the hand of god, the love letter to the world. Giving back to the planet what god gave me. A beautiful world filled with amazing things.

P.S. The crocheted outfits were the first of many outfit to come.. I made in the 70's.