Thursday, August 27, 2015

Do Most Men Really Cheat...


A few weeks ago my neighbor ask me what I thought of a situation she noticed with her husband...now before I tell you of the particular incident let me remind you of some things very important...
1. I have been a bartender most of my life.
2. I bartended in a strip club.
3. I never meant anyone who hasn't had it happen.
4. These are my experiences and are accurate. 

Everyone always wants to know if their other is cheating on them...as a person who's bartended and as a highly creative person, I pay attention to a lot of things. There are many signs that will tell you whether yours is or isn't or is about too. One of the best signs you will ever get, is your own instincts, you will know long before any evidence appears, just on that alone. Always, trust your gut instincts.

There is a reason I write this as many times I have been in a relationship, had a sneaking suspension, a gut instinct, something was so wrong. I am also ask a lot by females I know...and from the time I was old enough to date... even to now...I have been propositioned so many times by married men it's ridiculous. I have always ask my friends...do I have a sign somewhere on me that says, "hello, I date married men." Yes, I did, one time, many years ago until I found out, he was gone, dumped, kick to the curb, by little ole me. I don't play the game or approve of it....this girl has morals when it comes to marriage and relationships. And, as a woman I will stick by my gender and let them know every time, we woman should stick together.  You don't want me to know if you're cheating, because, those secrets, I don't keep! You are responsible for your choices and you have to answer, after all it will come around at some point, you will get caught. It's the law of the Universe, what goes around, comes around.

When my neighbor ask me the question above....it came like this...now...first you must know, her husband works out of state. Yup, that's right! I don't play that out of state game either. Here is how it went...I went to visit my husband at his apartment while sitting on the couch waiting for him to change, a British girl opens the door and walks in...I look at her thinking, what is she doing here, in my husbands apartment. She's walking around, my husband comes out, we are leaving and she's still there. I say to my husband, wait you're just going to leave her in there, and why, is she in there anyway? Here was his response to my neighbor...Oh, she's just checking out the apartment. She replies, does she do this a lot, just let herself in...he says...yeah... every once in awhile. 

Well to no avail I could not convince her...what did she say...he would never cheat on me...so I ask a few men their opinions and here is what they said...a few said, yup...a few said...I refuse to comment, but, is water wet...I already knew she suspected and her instincts were telling her, only she is in denial...often it takes proof for any woman to believe. Not to mention, she told her husband this...don't bother cheating...I will take everything you have...divorce you and leave. Okay, yeah right, sure she will...why let him know up front..I mean come on..I know a man right now who is planning to divorce his wife...first he is selling everything...she knows, it's all for sale, and he has told her a good reason why....he wants to move South...yeah right...okay...I know the truth as I have know this man a long time...this is his 3rd marriage. Men are far from stupid...ladies. I tried to tell her and she refused to believe me...what does he tell her...I will divorce you now if you continue with these questions. So the needy, comfortable woman, who doesn't want to loose that comfort, or her man, bought it all...right from his mouth. 

So in answer to the question do a majority of men cheat...absolutely...and they are very clever at it even first time cheaters learn from the best. As I said...In my lifetime... I have had more offers from married men it's truly ridiculous and on top of that..my best friend...who I thought for sure was the only one who was like me...turned out like this...I go to the shop she owns in a small town, just for a visit. I walk in the door round the corner and coming down from the little apartment above the shop..is her and a Michael Bolton lookalike or so she thought. He was tucking in his shirt with pants up and unzipped...she was putting on her blouse and continued buttoning it up. Shock, you bet, both of us were...she thought she'd never get caught. She admits everything, as I stand there stunned. Yes, woman cheat too... I know, you know, you know and for this reason...lack of attention... period!
So how does it end...her husband finds out...she talks her way out of it...actually I truly believe he knows, but, doesn't want to believe it. That good old Denial River. 

Nearly everyone I know or have talked too is cheating, all for two reasons, she nags me and the best yet...they show me no interest...no communication...or both are working different shifts and barely see each other...good going I say, the perfect set up for divorce. I don't play the working different shift things either it's a disaster waiting to happen.

By now you're probably asking...how do I know...here a a few signs.
1. He or she begins to take care of their appearance more than usual.
2. Are they wearing cologne or perfume stronger now or changed fragrances.
3.  Is he or she working longer hours suddenly.
4. When you call do they pick up or let it go to voice mail. You text no response or just a quick response.
5. He will not let you know what he does with his money.
6. Has his cell phone locked, password etc. 
7. Turns off his cell phone at night, or whenever he is home, phone ringer is off, and generally is on vibrate.
8. Has a history of cheating...no one stops for anyone.
9. You're suddenly receiving nice gifts...or he is taking you places more often.
10. He begins to ask you if you're cheating...a cheater will always suspect their partner. It's their own guilt kicking back at them.

Reactions that say the truth quietly...
1. You suspect... ask him a question...he hesitates... key factor...and then... will generally throw a question back at you...this gives him time to think and respond.
2. I would never cheat on you, but, I do look at woman don't most men...key word...but...everything after the word, but, is the truth. Dismiss everything I said before the word, but, now I will tell you the truth. For every but in a answered question there is an ass in the beginning sentence.
3. He replies...I will not answer that...it's degrading....insulting...how dare you ask. This is pure arrogant's, you have a man with a serious ego problem and these men lie very well.
4. Ask to use his cell phone...try and walk away with it..you won't get far.

My children have wondered why since my last divorce in 2003...why... I don't date...or want a relationship...this is my reply...are you kidding...I don't think so!!

So in the end do most men cheat...without a doubt...and so do some woman. The truth is with today's technology it makes even easier than ever. 

To all woman I say this...get to know yourself, spend what little time you can alone, don't give up your dreams for a relationship. Keep things fresh, keep communication open even if he doesn't respond right away..just keep him interacting, and by all means this applies to all relationships, show true interest in what your other half does. Even if your not... make an effort to try... because if you don't truly want to...you don't truly belong together. 

"if you are a person who is being cheated on...chin up girlfriend...if you don't think you deserve better...you're wrong...you're very wrong"

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

When Life Gives Thorns....


"When life throws a thorn in your side it's all in how one chooses to receive it that Matters"

The newest grand baby, Henry, has had his share of thorns since his birth on July 14, 2015. Born with secondary Vesicoureteral reflux a condition due to a urinary tract malfunction which is hereditary, causes his right kidney unable to release urine, thus not functioning. I had it myself which lead to kidney surgery for me at 25. Thank goodness for technology in the Medical field, it's now detected at birth.
My daughter, Dannon, is handling it so incredibly well, she contributes her ability to do so from her little brothers (yes, I had 5 children) a set of twins born with Down Syndrome. Unfortunately, their father took the twins and ran...handicap children often equals a lifetime child support, he did not want to pay. She told me through the twins struggles she reminds herself that Henry's condition could have been far worse.
I believe there is a reason for everything in life...a lesson, a time to learn and grow. For my daughter I believe the twins prepared her for a struggle to come...they are her rose in the thorn of what's going on  in her life. I am so incredibly proud of her and in turn also told her there is no shame in crying, go ahead after all he is her son, and crying is something mothers do for there children. She is an amazing mother. Both her boy's are truly very lucky to have her as a mom, by all  means, I am not saying she is perfect, no mother can be as hard as we try. We are all things to our children and certainly not without feelings of helplessness and guilt. It all comes with being a mom and I can tell you it continues on until we leave this earth. Whenever one of my children are hurting, even though they are grown, it feels exactly the same as when they were young. It takes one back to the days when they needed our protection...so when they hurt...the old instincts return and I find myself wanting to protect them, because that's what we know. Yet as much as we want to, we have to step back, and let them go through it on their own...its how they learn about life. 
When it comes to Henry and his mom, I will be there for support in all ways I can be at times like this...when a thorn presents itself...remember to look for the bud that blooms to a rose...it's there somewhere one just had to search...
As for baby Henry, he is on antibiotics which will change at 6 months to a more powerful one and then at one, he will have surgery. We all pray, we all are blessed and we all know God will take good care of Henry. Be still my heart...I am in love with this baby boy.