Friday, October 24, 2014

For the Love....

Things are getting back to normal after a couple weeks of a very difficult time. I don't know if my daughter in law's will find it quite as settling yet. As I mentioned in my last post both of the my daughter in law's lost there first parent tragically. If I didn't mention yes, both lost a parent in the same week with one loosing her grand father a week before her father. It's truly been sad and has left us all in aw of what happened. So today I speak of things that bring me joy and love. 

The dolls by Kaye Wiggs are just amazing and rightfully so, she is a very talented artist. Owning one of her dolls would be a privilege, yet one I can not afford, as they cost anywhere from 500.00 to 800.00 or more.. I think with those kind of funds to spend I'd like a week of relaxing somewhere I could be pampered for awhile.

Little William is turning one in November it hardly seems possible, I feel as though I just had the gray owl cocoon on the needles, and speaking of needles it seems the blanket feels like an endless project. I still push forward like a soldier in battle to complete it although I have to admit it's not daily. Oh how I try...good news I am now a little over half way done. Whee! William captures my heart every time I see him, even if it's just a photograph or video his smile brightens my day. I fear he is going to be a heart breaker, as he has already broken mine and crawled inside. I love this little man more than I thought possible as does his mommy, my daughter, who surprises me daily with her wisdom at such a young age. 

We were at Bob Evans a family restaurant in Ohio, which has wonderful home cooked meals and my daughters favorite place. As I sat and watch interacted with William, she said, " I like to watch you and dad interact with William, it tells me I must of had a wonderful childhood." I was in aw...I truly never thought anyway like her at the same age. She is so incredibly mindful of things around her. I find myself growing closer and more proud of her daily. As she said, you must of done something right mom. I finally think so...she is just beautiful both inside and out. 

To end the post the artwork in the paper towel tubes is amazing. She is an artist who is in another Country which at this moment I can't remember, however, she cuts all the pieces glues them inside and comes up with these amazing scenes. Truly artwork that is not only tedious but captivating.

Being an empty nester I am still growing and learning everyday, it's a non stop part of life. It's not always pleasant as in this fall of my life, I am learning how often death occurs, when everyone around is now much older and in their senior years. I am learning death is one of the things you are faced with more often than one would like to hear or visit even if only through word of mouth, or the newspaper. I am learning how to cope, how to help those around me cope, when to speak and when to just listen. I send my daughter in law's a text everyday and will continue for a year to let them know I am thinking of them and how very much I love them.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Unexpected Tragedy Takes a Life

It's hard to begin this post knowing ones heart is filled with so much sadness for so many...

Yesterday morning at 5 am a single car crash took place that robbed someone of their life in just a moments time.

This is my son and his family last year before the birth of their daughter Camilla who is now 6 months old. The beautiful girl is my daughter in law, Shawna, a very warm, caring, and giving person. Sadly her mother was taken from her yesterday without any warning, a mother with a lot of life ahead of her is gone.

I sit here typing and can not wrap my mind around the tragedy, nor can I stop my heart from feeling a pain that is not welcome, as it happen so suddenly there is no time to adjust the heart and make sense in the mind.

In just an instant a life is over, a family mourns, and tears flow like a damn has burst open with no control. No one can seem to make any conclusions, talk is here and there random and sporadically between the tears that stop and start all over again. Questions, so many questions, how, why, was she in pain, was she frightened, what was she thinking as she headed towards the tree? So many unanswered questions, so many what did I say the last time I saw her, why didn't I say this, how do you think she remembered me, her daughter ask, was she proud of me, why didn't I make more attempts to get along better. Then she will blurt out I hope she passed out before it happened, do you think she suffered as the tears begin again. 

I spent most of the day with my daughter in law, letting her just do. It was so hard to watch her cry, then stop to continue life with her children, and yet knowing as I watched nothing she was doing had any thought just motion. The stops and starts of her walking, the stops all filled with tears she tried bless her heart to function despite the sudden loss of her mom and soon to be grandmother dying of cancer. To have to tell a mother she had just lost her daughter, I can't imagine the enormous pain after the words are uttered. After all a parent should not have to bury a child at any age, and her mother soon to follow.

It's easier from my own personal experience to have your parents or for that anyone die slowly. No it's not easy to watch and the pain is there in the heart, yet, we have time which is important. Time to say things unsaid, time to prepare your heart, time to adjust the thoughts settle it all, time to spent just sitting. I lost both parents that way and I am so very grateful for the time, unlike my daughter in law who had nothing uttered, but, your mother just died in a car accident on the way to work.

My love for my daughter in law is just as my own daughter. To see the pain and not be able to take it away is awful. I merely let her be, let her talk when she mindlessly blurted out the loss or random everyday questions, letting the tears flow and waiting for her next movement, it was all I could do. I knew in my heart I had to be there right away after my son sent me a text. I had to hold her, I had to just be where she could see me and I her. I had to control my tears, talk casually, respond only when ask a question. I knew she needed that I knew she was emotionally unpredictable and a simple response to her constant why's was all I could do. I am grateful to have been able to have supported her even in such a small and silent way. 

I sat last night stunned, asking myself similar questions, trying to imagine how her mother may of felt at that moment of impact. Thankfully she passed instantly, but not without leaving behind many broken hearts that will never truly know many of the answers.

Please take the time to fasten your seat belt...the blow alone when the air bag ejects is like hitting concrete. Without fasten that belt, a neck will snap and a chest will be crushed. Although she was not wearing one, we are not sure if the complications of her heart may have caused it all. For now we just process the thought that she is in a better place, pain free, all her problems gone and that she is resting in peace.

God Bless everyone today and don't forget every single chance you get to leave someone with a smile, kind words, and love.