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Tonight I sit watching for the first time a movie that has captured my attention. I am grateful, for a few hours my mind drifts off from early Saturday morning. A day when in a small second a 9 year old boy was waking to a blast threw a door. A black man with a mask throws a father who places a gun at night underneath his couch were he sits, to reach, grasp the gun, only to find himself hit in the side of the head within seconds.
A struggle over the gun begins as a small boy watches from his room. His dad fights to gain control removes the mask and gets a view of the intruder. The boy wondering what to do can not move, fear has frozen him in time. Seconds seem like minutes, a struggle for the gun continues as his father is beaten and finally pushed into the couch cornered by a coward, who could not do such a act of evil, without covering his face. Coward a word to polite to speak of him let alone write.
Black in color, it seems they are everywhere, committing crimes, if not on TV, in my city, if not in my city, in my son's home. Yes, my son, my grandson, standing as he watches his dad struggle to free his home of this evil, and yet grateful, the gun did not fire. The coward gets what he wants and leaves a small boy frozen, a father in pain that his son had to witness such a violate act. A phone taken so no call could be made. A father weathered, looks to his own mother as she opens the door and sees her son confused, angry, helpless, she grabs him as he tries to tame the adrenalin in full emotion of what happened. The little boy grabs his Grammies gray sweat pants shaking, no coat are they wearing only exposed skin, he says grammie, he almost shot my dad, my dad could have died while I watched. I could have done something it's my fault, why didn't I do something, I was so scared. A grammie who bends down, grabs him and say, no, no, it's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. There is no shame in fear it grabs many of us not just you, look at me do you hear me, you did nothing wrong...as he shakes his head yes.
Home a place where safe is what a child should be, home a place were he should look back years from now and smile. Home a place now, where one image takes away his innocence. A 9 year old thrust into a reality he can not process.
A home invasion planned by a best friends family. A home invasion that lead us to his best friends door in the middle of the night in search of his brother, another coward who had to have someone else do his evil for him. I am a cougar, but not the kind you think, I am a mother, I am a protector, I have a divine god given right to protect my offspring. A mother who will move heaven and hell to protect that offspring, as I stood in front of a black man's face. There was no fear, push me I thought, push me to a limit beyond return and I will strike like a snake. He turns, runs into his home, only to be followed by a large black woman wearing glasses and a skinny black boy, begins to act brave, something he could not do as I stood in front of his face, he needed backup from two other people. Then he could mustard the words to threaten my life and push his weight around.
Nearly nose to nose we stood as I said, back off, were is your brother... how could you do this to your friend, let this happen all in the name of money, your brother needing money to pay his bills... I have had enough of this world, the every day violence that has now enter my life through my son and his children. Enough of black people, enough violence of any kind, is now in our lives. Am I prejudice I wonder, black people, black friends, I talk to all colors and now I find myself emotionally wrapped in the color black. What would anyone expect.
As a mother, my son, when hurt... is that child riding his bike, the need to wrap around him and protect him as if time never changed. That's a mother, it's what we are... how we see our children in any kind of pain. The instinct to pounce never fades. I ask myself how did I find the my own courage to face a person in the dark night. I am a cougar..I am that mother braver, stronger in this new world, step out of my way...I am fed up with this world to the point when pushed there is no returning. Was I like this years ago I ask myself. Yes, I would have protected my children but with not as full of force as today. One divorce that has giving me the power, the strength to stand up and say no more...damn it..no more. One world that has made me so angry because no one seems to care anymore the taken is all for ourselves.
I will not speak of my son and his family today...the cowards do not desire the words should they somehow find this...they will not know of anything more than what they had done in that moment. I will not hand over any power, we will stand strong, we will get through this...my son knows he is a survivor, he knows in times like this you give up no control. Does one need to heal, of course, it's human nature. But in the end you push forward, work through this and move on...yet not without scars...as with any scar you simply find a way to live with them.
A black boy and a white boy of the same size and age meet in junior high, become friends until Saturday. The colors for the moment have changed..how long before they leave only time will tell.
I say this, " there should be tighter gun control, yes, a gun does not kill people a small boy witnessed two people fighting to fire a gun. One his dad, the other an intruder. The laws need to be implemented, if we need to take lessons be certified to drive a car then the same should be for a gun. Either way they both kill and that's the bottom line. I am not saying remove the guns, I am saying implement the laws, make it mandatory to take a test of maturity of your mental stablity, a test that will help us weed out people who use them to commit crimes. Teach families to learn how to properly shoot a gun, to be certified to have a gun just as we do a car. In a custody case one has to take a 4,000.00 mental assessment to gain custody of there own children. Do the same with guns and some will argue, you can get them anywhere if you really want one. I say fine, but it still needs to change.
In the end we are blessed that no one was killed Saturday morning, not my son, not his son, not even the intruder, he too, could have left behind a heartbroken family. We thank God for this Blessing that all lives were spared.
