Unexpected Tragedy Takes a Life

It's hard to begin this post knowing ones heart is filled with so much sadness for so many...

Yesterday morning at 5 am a single car crash took place that robbed someone of their life in just a moments time.

This is my son and his family last year before the birth of their daughter Camilla who is now 6 months old. The beautiful girl is my daughter in law, Shawna, a very warm, caring, and giving person. Sadly her mother was taken from her yesterday without any warning, a mother with a lot of life ahead of her is gone.

I sit here typing and can not wrap my mind around the tragedy, nor can I stop my heart from feeling a pain that is not welcome, as it happen so suddenly there is no time to adjust the heart and make sense in the mind.

In just an instant a life is over, a family mourns, and tears flow like a damn has burst open with no control. No one can seem to make any conclusions, talk is here and there random and sporadically between the tears that stop and start all over again. Questions, so many questions, how, why, was she in pain, was she frightened, what was she thinking as she headed towards the tree? So many unanswered questions, so many what did I say the last time I saw her, why didn't I say this, how do you think she remembered me, her daughter ask, was she proud of me, why didn't I make more attempts to get along better. Then she will blurt out I hope she passed out before it happened, do you think she suffered as the tears begin again. 

I spent most of the day with my daughter in law, letting her just do. It was so hard to watch her cry, then stop to continue life with her children, and yet knowing as I watched nothing she was doing had any thought just motion. The stops and starts of her walking, the stops all filled with tears she tried bless her heart to function despite the sudden loss of her mom and soon to be grandmother dying of cancer. To have to tell a mother she had just lost her daughter, I can't imagine the enormous pain after the words are uttered. After all a parent should not have to bury a child at any age, and her mother soon to follow.

It's easier from my own personal experience to have your parents or for that anyone die slowly. No it's not easy to watch and the pain is there in the heart, yet, we have time which is important. Time to say things unsaid, time to prepare your heart, time to adjust the thoughts settle it all, time to spent just sitting. I lost both parents that way and I am so very grateful for the time, unlike my daughter in law who had nothing uttered, but, your mother just died in a car accident on the way to work.

My love for my daughter in law is just as my own daughter. To see the pain and not be able to take it away is awful. I merely let her be, let her talk when she mindlessly blurted out the loss or random everyday questions, letting the tears flow and waiting for her next movement, it was all I could do. I knew in my heart I had to be there right away after my son sent me a text. I had to hold her, I had to just be where she could see me and I her. I had to control my tears, talk casually, respond only when ask a question. I knew she needed that I knew she was emotionally unpredictable and a simple response to her constant why's was all I could do. I am grateful to have been able to have supported her even in such a small and silent way. 

I sat last night stunned, asking myself similar questions, trying to imagine how her mother may of felt at that moment of impact. Thankfully she passed instantly, but not without leaving behind many broken hearts that will never truly know many of the answers.

Please take the time to fasten your seat belt...the blow alone when the air bag ejects is like hitting concrete. Without fasten that belt, a neck will snap and a chest will be crushed. Although she was not wearing one, we are not sure if the complications of her heart may have caused it all. For now we just process the thought that she is in a better place, pain free, all her problems gone and that she is resting in peace.

God Bless everyone today and don't forget every single chance you get to leave someone with a smile, kind words, and love.

He cried for His Mom

I love Saturday's it a weekend of relaxing knitting and watching college football. My sister and I were on the phone back and forth as we watched from different states, the Georgia, Alabama football game. My son had called earlier and had arrived to take me to the grocery store.

We watched a bit of game, then I got ready to go, when his cell phone rang. I heard him say okay, I can come get the boy's is she alright. I stood there waiting for the phone call to end as the look on his face had dropped. I've always watched the body language of people I care about, signs that let me know how there day may have been, or if something may be wrong. It's the first thing I do when I see them, and throughout there visit. I love my family and that means noticing them in every moment I am with  them.

 

 

As he hung up the phone he said, "mama, we have to go get the boy's, she's at her parents house visiting." I said, "okay, but what is it?" His face down a look of just pure sadness, he said," she's pretty sure she just lost the baby." I leaned down gave him a hug and said, "I'm so sorry sweetie, let's go get the boy's." We got in his car, I put my hand on his back rubbing it has he drove. There was an expression on his face of disbelief, of shock, what had just happened. I ask him if he wanted to talk, he always knew there was nothing he couldn't say to me without judgment, just open ears. He said, no I'm okay mama. I could tell okay was not the way it was....yet I didn't pry, just kept rubbing his back.

I too, was numb, sad, shocked, death either way whether you're already here or a mere little one in a photo, a loss is a loss. You just seem to love that little one even before you know them. It's odd isn't it how someone you've never meant can capture your heart.

 

We arrived at the in laws home my son got out, he said, I'll be right back mama. I sat there and thought wait why did he say, I'll be right back? I should have gone in too. I leaned over to put my purse down when I looked up, this little boy was coming around the corner of the garage. I heard him yell grammie, grammie, as the tears flooded from his eyes. I opened the car door said, aw sweetie...as he yelled grammie, the baby died, mommy she was bleeding so hard right through her pants. As he leaned his head on my shoulder his breathing heavy, with tears flowing. I held tight as I could until I felt him ease up and let go. I took my hand wiped the tears coming down his eyes, he said, "grammie my perfect little brother or sister is gone." I know sweetheart, I am so sorry as he hugged me again. I said, "if I don't get to see your mommy tonight, tell her I'm so sorry and that I love her always" as he shock his head and said, "okay I will." Her parents had already taken her while her brother was with the boys.

 

That little guy is 9 so sensitive to life in general to every human he comes in contact with....it's amazing the heart he has, amazing that for being so young. Always making a majority of adults look ignorant to life and an example of how we should be yet were not....One day, he said to me, "people are suppose to love each other, there suppose to help each other grammie, it makes me sad." How can someone so small know so much most adults don't or for that even care about. Which reminds of the day he said, grammie I worry about you, no one should be alone." He is a special boy indeed!

 

So here I am today numb still thinking of his mom, how in a split second life can take a turn on it's own and send us somewhere else. After being homeless you'd think I would be better at this life thing the twist and turns, yet it doesn't work that way. If anything it makes me more aware and sensitive to anyone family or not who experience a loss of any kind.

 

 Marilyn Monroe said it best in many of her quotes. A woman who by her words alone was more than just a beautiful woman, more than just diamonds and glam, she had what many of us lack...she stayed humble, kept her principles despite all the lights of camera's. She said this...

 

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." – Marilyn Monroe

 

Well said, Marilyn! Now if only we all could learn what a little 9 year old already knows.

 

To the little one who took there wings and flew away, rest in piece, your home again. I will always think of you, hold you in my heart, and love you always, God keep you in his arms forever.

 

<3 Grammie